Lost my train of thought… sooooooo

I hate when I’ve written for an amount of time (usually over 40 minutes or so) and I look back and realize I’ve gone NOWHERE! Haha, damn it. I get so frustrated and just have to delete it all. As a write I learned that you cannot win every battle. Until you use an eraser and make it so that you win EVERY battle.. Haha. My wordpress readers and followers and anyone else that stumbles across this I want to thank you for reading what I have posted and hopefully you stay tuned to what I am going to post. I am here to build a following and hopefully network and find the right people to get me to the right places. I love writing and feel that it is the best platform to get everything and anything out of me.

If anybody has a suggestion on anything they’d like to see or hear my opinion on (because I have an opinion about everything… Maybe even 3 opinions.. Haha) just let me know.

So, again, thanks for reading my stuff everyone! It honestly motivates me when I see that people have read my work, even if it’s just a few views a weeks or whatever. I appreciate it!

Have a nice day everyone!

Josh — Kamikaze


First Sonnet

Something so peculiar, so wretched, something I can’t understand

The thoughts of you still consume my mind and control my thoughts.

Unlikely grouping of two souls, a meeting never planned.

A web spun too quickly, both parties overwhelmed and caught.

As a slave to master, it was my duty to serve

But you never overstepped your boundaries.

I always felt I was running, trying to catch up, I was behind the curve

Your total essence is what consumed me and I refused to leave.

Time has gone on, now, and others have taken up my time

Some I laugh and enjoy, others I pocket and keep around

Still, the thought of you plagues my mind

I can agree that life is even more worth living, when love is found.

I know I can move on, and strive solo

But what is a night by the fire without a cup of cocoa?

A Letter for My Unborn Child

This here is a letter, for you, my unborn child. My precious embodiment of everything good. This here, I write to the twinkle in my eye, the spark from my fingers and the explosive thought from my mind. This is to my baby. To my first born child I will teach you how to love and respect family no matter what. I will teach you to always step forward and never start an excuse with ‘but’. I will teach you how to win, but will compromise and teach you that winning isn’t everything. I will teach you that failure can be as important as success and teach that from it, you’ll learn different things. I will show you a laugh is as effective as a cry and how the tears shed from an eye can release those demons from inside. I will teach you persistence and that you should never give up. I’ll teach you right and wrong and that you should wait to grow up. I will nurture you, my child, and I will teach you respect. I will teach you how to run, throw and catch. I will teach you how to write, you child, will be my muse. You are the one essence from me that I will never refuse. My unborn child I will teach you how to smile, even when the world is trying to hold you back. The stories I will tell of the good times, will outshine that of the bad. I will teach you that life is hard, but that I will always have your back. I will push you to strive for the best, because when I was growing up I had that. I want you to have everything that I never could, I want you to learn everything and be intelligent, teach you that on those two feet anything can be achieved.


My unborn child I will warn you of my mistakes, teach you how to avoid the liars and those that are fake. I will show you the path, to get everything you want, but I will give you the option to go where you want. Coming from the inside of me is a love that will be unbridled, if I could give you the moon I wouldn’t hesitate. You are a soul which hasn’t been formed, a body not created, a thought in an endless sea of ‘ifs’. I feel choked up inside, right now, wishing I could see your face, but in due time my child; I will teach you that one time, ONE TIME, the tortoise won that race. Patience, perseverance and having heart is something I can only preach. Some lessons you learn on your own, I’ll teach you that sometimes, I can’t teach. I will tell you, child, about the one’s who got away, the one’s who up and left, the one’s who stayed around till today.


I’ll tell you about my parents and how they always stuck behind me. Tell you about my siblings and how they expressed their love. Share stories of our accomplishments and failures too. I’ll show you that sometimes, it’s just better to get away. The battle may be lost, but as long as you’re breathing you will live to fight another day. I write to you today, my unborn love, and the sincerity of my heart can be vouched for in the Heaven’s above.

I will show you, that even though imperfect, we can triumph each and every day. I will be the father that I grew up with, and love you and sacrifice for you in every way.

I love you child, I can’t wait to meet you.


Your Father, patiently waiting,



Pleased to meet you, 24!

Hows it goin, 24? Glad I could make it this far.
I first want to say its a blessing to get here, cuz I know a lot of homies that didn’t make it.
A year older, a year wiser, a year number to the bs and a year where I can smile and remember the good times I had with people that care about me.
On a quick reflection, I am happy. This year didn’t start off on the right foot, but I always find a way to bottom out and keep on moving.



I woke up this morning to a text message from my beloved wife,

“You are boring. I hate living just to make it to tomorrow. I’m leaving you.”

Unexpected? Yes.

Heart breaking to the point of crippling? Yes.

Amount of time crying? Ten minutes.

I can’t be late for work.

I start my morning regimen, sans wife, of course, by showering.

After my shower I go to grab some breakfast and realize my milk has spoiled; However, not in time though, a hefty spoonful of grape nuts slithers down my throat.

As I try my best not to puke my guts out, I begin to make coffee.

Turns out my wife took the coffee…

I step outside, dressed for the mediocrity of work I am about to experience. I dry my seemingly endless tear flowing face and get into my car.

My tank is empty.

I walk to the bus in my two-sizes-too-small loafers and begin to feel a pain in my heel. A blister is being born.

I make it to the bus and stand next to a drunk.

The bus ride goes smoothly.

Leaving the bus, though, not so smooth.

The drunk relieves his insides onto my child size loafers.

Instead of sending my hand down his throat to grasp the rest of his innards with my bare hands, I turn the other cheek and walk into work.

Being half an hour late I knew my boss would erupt, much like the drunk did.

He doesn’t though. He smiles, shows me to his office and gently expels me.

For life.

I walk to the bathroom to do more of my own expelling (tears), and finish in an astounding 8 minutes!

I leave what used to be my second home now and walk to a bar down the street, the ‘Endless Well.’

I spend more of the afternoon than I realize at the bottom of the Well and leave for my long trek home.

In leaving, I accidently bump into an older gentleman, who turns out to be quite grumpy, and am met egregiously with both his fists.

I pick myself up again from the bottom of the Well and stand outside, the breeze is cold on my fresh new wounds.

I walk to the bus bench and wait for the shuttle back to my empty, loveless house.

People walk past me and scowl. They whisper unmentionable things under their breath and they do their best not to make eye contact with me.


“Well, life is life right now, I guess.”

And when this thought crosses my mind I see a bag of money drop slowly from the sky.

My eyes light up, though I fear that I am going insane.

It floats, almost casually, down to the ground, and it plops a few yards away from me.

People look at it, as they walk by, but walk by nonetheless.

A man begins to reach for it, but stops, and continues walking.

I get up. Look around. And pick it up.


Real money.

I close the bag up, ecstatic that my luck has changed, and begin to walk towards a brighter tomorrow with a smile on my face.

After a few steps I feel a huge jerk and then a stab in my ribs.

I look down and see a huge hook bulging from me.

My jaw drops and my sight momentarily fails as shock sets in.

The next tug sends me sprawling into the air.

People stare at me in disbelief and scramble away.

I scream, or try to, as I fly higher and higher into the sky.

I pass through the stratosphere and on into the dark abyss that is space.

The incredible speed that I move boggles every cell in my body.

As I begin to pass out I hear a plop, splash and see a magnificent light I’ve never experienced before.

A booming voice shouts in excitement,

“BOOOOOY, I’ve got another!

The magnificent Being pulls me in closer and I can feel an overpowering aura from it.

“This one looks a little beat up! But hey, a catch is a catch.”

The Being extracts the metallic hook from my body carefully and places me into a freezing vat.

I gasp for air, bouncing sporadically, dying slowly.


What a day.


You are water to my oil,


Soap to my grease.

You are my own web, and I

As the spider,

am caught in my own strangle.

I am a flame flickering and waning in your forceful wind.

I am a cat, and you are my unopened bag of catnip atop the fridge.

You are curdled milk in my last bowl of cereal.

You are my last breath and I am an asthmatic,

I fail to catch you.

You are boredom on my birthday

and a wine cooler outside my rehab center.

You are summer weather on a supposed snow day

and a comedian downplaying my funeral.

You are as useless to me as a winter coat during a midday heatwave in the Mojave


Sometimes, I wonder why I keep you around.

No Strings Attached

Freedom to fly away

No care in the world

All for fun,

Stressed by no one.

At this point life is a game.

Been caught before,

followed orders,

gave more than received.

Like puppet to master,

my voice not mine own.

The option of escape arose so,

I had to break away.


Web of spider destroyed

A hug being released

Seat belt, unbuckled

A joyous smile, finally free


No strings attached

That mistake,

Already made.