I woke up this morning to a text message from my beloved wife,
“You are boring. I hate living just to make it to tomorrow. I’m leaving you.”
Heart breaking to the point of crippling? Yes.
Amount of time crying? Ten minutes.
I can’t be late for work.
I start my morning regimen, sans wife, of course, by showering.
After my shower I go to grab some breakfast and realize my milk has spoiled; However, not in time though, a hefty spoonful of grape nuts slithers down my throat.
As I try my best not to puke my guts out, I begin to make coffee.
Turns out my wife took the coffee…
I step outside, dressed for the mediocrity of work I am about to experience. I dry my seemingly endless tear flowing face and get into my car.
My tank is empty.
I walk to the bus in my two-sizes-too-small loafers and begin to feel a pain in my heel. A blister is being born.
I make it to the bus and stand next to a drunk.
The bus ride goes smoothly.
Leaving the bus, though, not so smooth.
The drunk relieves his insides onto my child size loafers.
Instead of sending my hand down his throat to grasp the rest of his innards with my bare hands, I turn the other cheek and walk into work.
Being half an hour late I knew my boss would erupt, much like the drunk did.
He doesn’t though. He smiles, shows me to his office and gently expels me.
I walk to the bathroom to do more of my own expelling (tears), and finish in an astounding 8 minutes!
I leave what used to be my second home now and walk to a bar down the street, the ‘Endless Well.’
I spend more of the afternoon than I realize at the bottom of the Well and leave for my long trek home.
In leaving, I accidently bump into an older gentleman, who turns out to be quite grumpy, and am met egregiously with both his fists.
I pick myself up again from the bottom of the Well and stand outside, the breeze is cold on my fresh new wounds.
I walk to the bus bench and wait for the shuttle back to my empty, loveless house.
People walk past me and scowl. They whisper unmentionable things under their breath and they do their best not to make eye contact with me.
“Well, life is life right now, I guess.”
And when this thought crosses my mind I see a bag of money drop slowly from the sky.
My eyes light up, though I fear that I am going insane.
It floats, almost casually, down to the ground, and it plops a few yards away from me.
People look at it, as they walk by, but walk by nonetheless.
A man begins to reach for it, but stops, and continues walking.
I get up. Look around. And pick it up.
I close the bag up, ecstatic that my luck has changed, and begin to walk towards a brighter tomorrow with a smile on my face.
After a few steps I feel a huge jerk and then a stab in my ribs.
I look down and see a huge hook bulging from me.
My jaw drops and my sight momentarily fails as shock sets in.
The next tug sends me sprawling into the air.
People stare at me in disbelief and scramble away.
I scream, or try to, as I fly higher and higher into the sky.
I pass through the stratosphere and on into the dark abyss that is space.
The incredible speed that I move boggles every cell in my body.
As I begin to pass out I hear a plop, splash and see a magnificent light I’ve never experienced before.
A booming voice shouts in excitement,
“BOOOOOY, I’ve got another!”
The magnificent Being pulls me in closer and I can feel an overpowering aura from it.
“This one looks a little beat up! But hey, a catch is a catch.”
The Being extracts the metallic hook from my body carefully and places me into a freezing vat.
I gasp for air, bouncing sporadically, dying slowly.
What a day.