I remember the first time I laid eyes upon you. A flawless creature. God’s second attempt at perfection since Jesus. I became speechless. I looked at you once, twice, thrice, call it deja vu. There was an inkling inside, though, a push for “you” to become “us.” Shattered the youthful barrier of shyness to open Pandora’s box. “Hello,” became “what’s your name?” became “when can I see you again?” I couldn’t get enough,
And I barely had a chance when our eyes locked. A chance to be innocent again. A chance to be free. From that point on I was stuck.
Maybe this was your plan to begin with–
What started out fast became sound. It became my speeding light. It became my oxygen. It became my thoughts. My dreams became reality and from that, I realized it was a nightmare you brought. The nights when you’d leave. You wouldn’t say goodbye, I would ceaselessly see you when I closed my eyes. It would make me seize up. Your voice became mine, my likings became “us.” I remember you saying,
“That’s what YOU wanted. It was YOU who approached ME! I didn’t need US.”
It was hellfire erupting. “Jesus Lord, do I really need US?”
He wouldn’t answer my question,
But Lord have mercy, what was once small talk and a smile soon became grievous.
Your operation on my heart without a Ph.D
-the scalpel left the deep cuts,
in bed I’d cry out for your name. “Why would you leave US!?” Alone. You left me alone to Die in the stew that we cooked, cup runneth over, crock pot became useless.
I lost my speed after you left that night. 24 hours
I wanted to leave this,
Pain of existence-The plainness of subsistence.
Words uttered in the darkness,
the weight of each letter carries heavier with no reply to your wishes.
With no reply to my wishes, the stubbornness of my bullheaded ass bullshit. You’d blame it on me and I’d repent with hopes that you’d listen.
You left me here with a bullet in my brain and entrails left beside for my friends to discover. The worst part about it is that you left me alive, alone on my own to recover. When you walked away I knew that I’d never need another, because you blackened my heart,
You used me.
When The Love Falls,
who is there to catch it’s heft? I tried once, and to my regret,
I only found sorrow.
My heart, now, useless.
Chalk it up to good intentions with a bad catch.
You took my innocence in exchange for experience, good shit.
Stay away from me love, I don’t want you to come back to play.