Chasing a Dream

Since graduating from Linfield College in McMinnville, Oregon a few months ago I’ve done a lot of soul searching. I’ve worked some jobs that I have absolutely loved, and some that I absolutely loathed. One trait that I’ve always been proud of having is that of perseverance. I’ve been knocked down a lot and many times I could have just given up there. Life isn’t supposed to be easy, but I also don’t believe that you’re not supposed to put yourself through too much hell, either. I have persevered through some tough challenges, but I think my biggest hurdles are still ahead. In order to continue to follow the passion of writing, I will have to put myself through a little hell in order to come out successful, but I don’t mind that.

Currently, I am working at a job that I can easily be content with. I make a decent amount of money, I am in a leadership position and it is very close to where I reside, but it isn’t fulfilling. I’ve woken up every day not only dreading going into work, but also constantly trying to figure out what makes the job worthwhile, besides the paycheck. Not only does the job stress me out, but because of the stress and the hours, I don’t find the time to write like I should. And that’s just not going to fly anymore.

After graduation I moved from Oregon back to Vacaville, California. Vacaville is a hop and a skip away from both Sacramento and San Francisco, so there were many opportunities for work, but not for the kind of writing that I want to do. I went onto twitter one morning while bored and contacted numerous sketch and television writers about how I should kick start my career. There was a consensus on those that did reply to me and that was:

  1. Continue writing. Never stop writing.
  2. Move to Los Angeles or New York.

That stuck with me. The advice planted seeds deeply into my mind and into my gut. The seeds in my mind sprouted ideas and a curiosity that soon made the seeds in my gut erupt and burn. There were times where I’d lay awake at night and stare at my white ceiling. The muted colors from the television would dance on the darkened ceiling but I would just stare blankly.

“What if?” I’d sit and wonder. “What if I did move down there, would I be a success? Could I make something of myself?”

In July of this year, I decided to take that chance. I moved from the comfort of my home city and moved to Downey, California. I took that chance and moved and, for the moment, I thought that was enough. I got the job that I am in now and for that moment I was content. I was okay with the steps that I took. But, I sit here frustrated and stressed, because I didn’t come out here just to live, I came out here following a dream. I have years ahead of me to be content, but, today won’t be that day where I settle for anything less than what I have worked the majority of my life. I’m going to quit my job and work towards my career. I don’t mind betting on myself. In fact, I’ll take those odds any day of the week.

I don’t want to look back and wish that I hadn’t pursued something. I don’t want to look back and wish that I could have done more. I want to be able to look back and smile, and tell my story with pride.

A Letter for My Unborn Child

This here is a letter, for you, my unborn child. My precious embodiment of everything good. This here, I write to the twinkle in my eye, the spark from my fingers and the explosive thought from my mind. This is to my baby. To my first born child I will teach you how to love and respect family no matter what. I will teach you to always step forward and never start an excuse with ‘but’. I will teach you how to win, but will compromise and teach you that winning isn’t everything. I will teach you that failure can be as important as success and teach that from it, you’ll learn different things. I will show you a laugh is as effective as a cry and how the tears shed from an eye can release those demons from inside. I will teach you persistence and that you should never give up. I’ll teach you right and wrong and that you should wait to grow up. I will nurture you, my child, and I will teach you respect. I will teach you how to run, throw and catch. I will teach you how to write, you child, will be my muse. You are the one essence from me that I will never refuse. My unborn child I will teach you how to smile, even when the world is trying to hold you back. The stories I will tell of the good times, will outshine that of the bad. I will teach you that life is hard, but that I will always have your back. I will push you to strive for the best, because when I was growing up I had that. I want you to have everything that I never could, I want you to learn everything and be intelligent, teach you that on those two feet anything can be achieved.

 

My unborn child I will warn you of my mistakes, teach you how to avoid the liars and those that are fake. I will show you the path, to get everything you want, but I will give you the option to go where you want. Coming from the inside of me is a love that will be unbridled, if I could give you the moon I wouldn’t hesitate. You are a soul which hasn’t been formed, a body not created, a thought in an endless sea of ‘ifs’. I feel choked up inside, right now, wishing I could see your face, but in due time my child; I will teach you that one time, ONE TIME, the tortoise won that race. Patience, perseverance and having heart is something I can only preach. Some lessons you learn on your own, I’ll teach you that sometimes, I can’t teach. I will tell you, child, about the one’s who got away, the one’s who up and left, the one’s who stayed around till today.

 

I’ll tell you about my parents and how they always stuck behind me. Tell you about my siblings and how they expressed their love. Share stories of our accomplishments and failures too. I’ll show you that sometimes, it’s just better to get away. The battle may be lost, but as long as you’re breathing you will live to fight another day. I write to you today, my unborn love, and the sincerity of my heart can be vouched for in the Heaven’s above.

I will show you, that even though imperfect, we can triumph each and every day. I will be the father that I grew up with, and love you and sacrifice for you in every way.

I love you child, I can’t wait to meet you.

 

Your Father, patiently waiting,

 

Josh