Wishing I Could Write About You

I sit here and wish that I could write about you

I’d express to you feelings you thought were lost in the catacombs of my thoughts,

I’d tell you of how much hydration was lost

as tears flowed freely and breath–unable to be caught.

I’d remind you of the night that fate matched us together

When I met you, you were the only one I could picture, and for the better;

You taught me so much, whether it’d be about myself or a game about Settlers.

Life then was paradise, when I looked into your pair of eyes, I was often stuck,

Or you could even say I was–paralyzed.

For you, I know I changed because I would feed you truth,

But to the others it’d often be a pair of lies.

Thus love happened sooner than I had ever realized.

You were my pineapple, and I’d often express

That you were the best, my family loved you, including Juicy (our pet), and to this day I would never regret calling you my fucking sunshine, but damn it,

I digress

This isn’t a love poem, because love here has died without you.

You’ve moved on, I’ve progressed and the world knows no looking back to be true.

Which is why I know I shouldn’t write about you.

 

I sit here and wish that I could write about you

I don’t know another I fought so hard with, or against.

Youth made our relationship fiery, constant nights of arguments.

And then we’d make up. Again and again—and to that, God I repent.

Jealousy in our nature, I’m surprised we survived,

So long together and even years later we’d try to revive

Something that had already up and died.

Every time we are together we always recall

The mistakes that the other made, but we’d say it was “my fault.”

And that same time I sit and wonder in awe

How we got so close by being so far.

No matter the lack of communication

We always find our way back to each other and, thus

invite temptation.

So given the circumstances of our situation

I must bid you adieu—

No more lapses to the past, even though you were my muse,

These be the reasons why I shouldn’t write about you.

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Modern day Cowboy

The modern day cowboy doesn’t stress about the trite complications of everyday life.

He stands and watches his herd, his ability to surround his flock in seemingly an instant makes him a god among men.

He wears tattered jeans and well-worked boots, a hat worn low and a plaid shirt, colored blue.

Speckles of dirt on his face are mistaken for freckles and the creases on the edges of his eyes are marked reminders of his battles against the brightly burning future.

The modern day cowboy bypasses his technologically savvy peers by outworking them physically and delving into jobs that others shiver at.

His motto is, ‘Do it first today, then do it faster tomorrow.’

 

He wakes early and starts work, nodding to the waning moon and finishes work with a wave of acknowledgement to the same entity.

The modern day cowboy is a dying breed. He knows that. It takes a drive different from procreation to make the modern day cowboy.

It takes a different type of heart to live this life.

Love and Hate

Love is a human emotion just like sadness, hatred, anger and happiness, it doesn’t last forever. Love is a euphoric high that our minds and bodies crave because we are social creatures. When feeling unloved we either become loners or search for something to fill the empty void.
Love is like a muscle when compared to its polar opposite, hatred, which itself, is like fat on the human body. Love is something you have to work at to obtain, maintain and grow. We all have the ability to love and some love harder, and stronger, than others. Love is something people strive to have and when people see that others have more than them they can get jealous or envious. Hatred, on the other hand, is something we dont have to work to get. Hate just happens sometimes. The problem with hatred is that, the less time we focus in ridding it, the mire it grows. Hatred is a “girthy” emotion, in that one can feel the weight of hate and others can see hate on you and how it affects you. People can become so morbidly obese on hate that it’ll send them to an early grave. We weren’t born to hate but, over time, it settles on us and we may not even know it.

Lilith

The Tuesday night began as usual. Pete sat down at the bar, nine o’ clock sharp, and ordered a shot of whiskey. Dan, the bartender, quickly wiped down a clean cup and served him up. Pete then immediately began to drown his image in the brown liquor, staring through the cup to the dirty wooden counter. Next, Samael walked in, right on cue. I always wondered why such a young, handsome man as himself, would frequent this dirty hole in the wall. The liquor was watered down, women barely ever entered, and it was always filled with us older, depressed folk. Maybe he liked watching us writhe in the pain of having nothing else to go to. I’d never asked and probably never will, either. He walked over to the jukebox and looked toward me and nodded with a smirk. I tipped my hat and returned the acknowledgement. Maybe he’s just as lonely as us old folk, I certainly don’t know much about him to say otherwise.

He turned on a foreign song, his usual, and I closed my eyes letting the methodical beat on the bongos soothe my mind. Plucks at the guitar and a cello in the background were accompanied by a string of violinists which made the entire song haunting, though eerily smooth. As the song began to rise I took a deep breath and was startled by a beautiful, sweet smell. I opened my eyes to see that a gorgeous young woman had sat in front of me. This was out of the norm. Definitely. She wore a tight red dress that accentuated all the perfect curves of her body, and it ended right above her knees. Her high-heeled shoes matched the color of her dress and her crimson toenails matched her lipstick and fingernails. Her long black hair sat perfectly down the right side of her shoulder. She dug slowly, carefully rather, in her purse, searching for… a cigarette! She pulled one out and looked up at me. Her magnificently dark eyes stared what seemed like through mine and she leaned over and touched my leg. The feeling of another person, a female person, was surreal and the contact literally quaked through my whole body.

“A lighter, monsieur?” She asked with a French accent. Her sultry voice hit my ears and melted my heart. I sat there, mouth agape, seemingly stuck in the world of improbability. Her rosy cheeks perked up slightly as she smiled and she leaned in closer. Her hair gently fell from her shoulder and across her breasts as she put more weight on my leg.

“Would you perhaps have a light, handsome?” She asked again as she squeezed my leg. I shook my body out of its daze and nodded. I reached into my pocket and brought my lighter out, the flame that flickered out was perfect. She smiled and put the cigarette in her mouth. Using my other leg as a balance, she leaned in closer and lit her cigarette. She sat back in her chair and took a long drag. I swallowed hard, staring at the slightly tanned goddess in front of me. She crossed her legs and swayed her right foot slowly back and forth. She stared at me, slightly grinning, and tilted her head back and forth, analyzing me. She took another long drag as I got lost in her physique again.

“I am Lilith, I came here to meet you.” She said, her smile widened and showed white teeth. The name made me perk back slightly. What a strange French name, I thought to myself. She extended her hand and looked to me questioningly.

“Oh!” I finally blurted out. I coughed, clearing my throat and extended my own hand. “My name is Adam. It is a pleasure. Definitely a pleasure to meet you. Lilith, you say?”

She nodded,

“It is a Jewish name, quite peculiar, no?”

“Quite. So, Lilith, what brings you out here to this hell hole?”

She shook her head softly and leaned in to whisper in my ear. As her voice hit my ear drum all the blood rushed from my face.

“I told you, handsome. I came for you.”

I felt as if she meant something by it, but I didn’t know what. The kids always came in here speaking what seemed to be a different language to us older folk. I could care less what she meant though, this attention was ravishing.

“Would you like a drink?” I asked her and turned toward the bar. Before I could look all the way away from her she grabbed my face and brought it back into her gaze. She stood up from her chair and embraced me with both arms, smothering my face in-between her chest. As she released me she leaned down and gave me a soft kiss on my cheek.

“Don’t worry about anything else. I just want you, handsome.”

I swallowed hard again, confused by the intentions of the flawless woman standing in front of me. I tried to lean away a little, to catch a glimpse of her eyes, to see if she was just fooling with me, but she brought me back and held me close again.

“Don’t you want me, handsome?” She asked me as her scent filled my nostrils. “Aren’t you lonely? I know I am everything that any man could dream of.”

“You’re stunning.” I croaked out. “Shouldn’t we leave though? Aren’t we doing too much in public?” I began to look around, knowing I’d catch the jealous eyes of my comrades. As I scanned the room, I took in a short breath of shock. We were alone.

“What in the…” I quietly said to myself. I pried the clinching woman to the side as I looked for the bars’ usual customers. No Samael, no Pete, no Terry, and, where the hell did Dan go!? I looked at the woman again, her smile was even bigger. I got an evil feeling from her and it made me even more uneasy.

“Where did they all go, Lilith?” I asked her quieter than I expected.

“Where did who go? You are all that matters, handsome.” She leaned in for another kiss and I tried to back away, but my body couldn’t resist. As her soft lips touched mine, I began to feel my strength give way to her. A feeling of anxiety fell over me. I had made love before, but it had never felt so, strange. She grabbed at the back of my head and nudged at me to stand up. I stood to my feet and she unbuckled my pants and dropped my underwear. She grabbed at my member and stopped kissing. She smiled and sat me down again. As she touched me my body began to feel weaker and weaker. I could only sit back and try to relish in the attention that the beautiful Lilith was giving me. She pulled her dress up slightly and pushed my chair back against the bar counter. My head bobbed back and my eyes began to flutter, as if I were going to faint.

“Glad I could work with you, handsome.” She whispered in my ear devilishly and let out a frighteningly high-pitched laugh as she sat upon my lap, again embracing me, squeezing the life out of me.

 

I open my eyes to a bright light and loud talking.

“Holy shit! We thought we lost you, buddy!” Dan says. He and Pete are standing above me as I lie on the ground. I could hear Terry in the background, calling the paramedics. I look around the room woozily, trying to find Lilith.

“Where did she go?” I whisper out of breath.

“Where did who go!? Who are you talking about?” Dan asks surprised.

“Her! Lilith! The beauty in the red dress.” I say agitated.

“What in the world are you talking about? It’s only been me, Pete and Samael! Right when Terry walked you nodded right off that barstool!”

“She was here… Lilith.” My eyes close and my breathing slows.

“You ever heard of, um, Lilith, Pete?” Dan asks to which Pete shrugs. “What about you, Samael?”

Samael stands with an arm resting at the jukebox and the other in his pocket, waiting for his song to end. Dan turns away from Adam and asks again,

“Lilith, Samael, Adam is over here blabbing about some Lilith! You know what he’s talking about?”

The song ends and Samael begins to walk out. He stops next to the slowly fading Adam.

“Accept your fate, men. You will all meet my dear succubus soon enough.” He walks the bar laughing quietly to himself.

Tears I Cannot Shed

These are the tears that I cannot shed. I feel them well up inside,

I feel the rush up my gut into my throat and to my face.

I feel them get right to the bottom of my eyes.

My heart sinks and my stomach turns uneasily.

The façade of a smile on my face fights to stay in place.

I muster, to the best of my ability,

A laugh.

But instead a sigh from deep within me explodes out.

I can feel the resistance built up over the years begin to crinkle.

My head begins to shake and my throat muscles tighten to the point where I cannot breathe.

I fight for air under the blanket of deep disparity that’s tagged along for years.

I reach for my chest and ball my fist,

I try to control my breathing but the demons inside also fight for dominance.

My mind gets bogged down in thoughts and memories of what should have been

And how things could have gone.

I think about all the times I didn’t care and all the fucks I could have given.

I shake my head.

The thoughts won’t go away, but I shake in hope that somehow I will find respite

I tell myself “let go, please, fucking let go.”

I want to let it out so bad but I cannot. I don’t know why. But inside,

My tears are kept.

Interview with Pig of the Hut

The MK community needs a man like Pig. Brant is a vocal and very caring  figure in this community. He taught us how to deal with Raiden’s teleport, among other things, and I have yet to best his Kenshi in a FT5. Pig is a cornucopia of knowledge and is here for his community.

Name

Brant M- Pigofthehut Twitter-@bambamguitar

Age

30

Location

ATL

How long you have played the MK series?

Since 1992 MK1 was my first game, but I didn’t play it to the degree that I play this game.This game is always fun and I am embracing the tournament spirit

What makes you play this fighter over other fighters? Do you play and compete in other fighters?

I like the tone, theme, direction of the current game and the community makes me feel as if I belong. I don’t play other fighters.

What would you tell other fighting game players about MK to get them into this series?

Best Mortal Kombat out of any installment and most tournament worthy. The community really grew up because of this game. The first couple of tournaments were won by people with solid fighting backgrounds, people not prominent in the MK community. Now it is solely our community winning these tournaments.

How have you liked the MLG experience?

So far so good. I love the respect they show MK. The west coast is respectable.

Will you be attending EVO? Why or why not?

Yes, I am going to support MK and the Fighting game community. I am shooting for top 8 or to take it all.

If you could compare MK to anything else in the world what would it be and why?

Chess, except real time and with more moves and pieces.

If you were an MK character what would their intro line be?

You’re not ready for this

He added, “I am excited to be here and my mission is to mentally hurt as many Kabals as possible.”

Though I didn’t catch every match pig played, I’m sure he disgusted a few Kabal players. Brant is a genuinely good person and I am glad a guy like this is seen as one of the faces of our community. He will help us grow as a community.

Interview with 3 SC players

I met these guys about 15 minutes  before MK started so I wasn’t able to get as much out of them as I could. They were pretty cool guys and the majority of them were from Norcal.

Name

Timothy G-Tbeezy

Peter Y-Imbu Twitter @dreamingbird

Kelvin A- Faith

Age

21

20

21

Location

Norcal

Norcal

Socal

How long have you been playing the series?

3 years, since the beta

5 years

1 year

What is so exhilarating about this game?

SC2 is the hardest game there is. Ridiculous learning curve, but if you put the time and effort into it you can be great. You can self improve. I also like the rivalries that our schools have. UC Davis went 17-0 in the CSL- CStarleague, while UC RIverside went 12-5.

How do you feel about this games worldwide acclaim?

We think it’s awesome! Players from Korea are here playing. Regardless of where you are from SC brought us all together.

What do you know about fighters? Do you play any?

Don’t know much about fighters. Street Fighter 4 is the only game cabinet my school has (UC Davis)

What kinds of skills are needed to be great at this game?

The skills needed in this game are having the ability to multitask, you have to be able to eat kimchi and you have to be korean (So it looks like I’m out.. whomp whomp.)

 

These were some fun guys to talk to and I wish them well in their efforts to bettering themselves at Starcraft 2.