Tag Archives: pleasure

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Marked Lesson 12/2011

Scars are meant to remind you of the past. Without scars we, as society, would never learn. Pain, unlike a scar, is only temporary. Fleeting pain leads to curiosity, while a scar is your bodys ‘nod’ to a lesson learned.

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Dream 11/2011

Dreams.

These seemingly unalterable mind episodes. The seemingly unimportant synthesis of subconsciousness and imagination. The wonderment of our minds during the day, and our secret reprieve during the night. The movies that we star in but can never directly direct. Our fears and hopes manifest in and played out in an eerily harmonious symphony of unrelated images.The stress of the day often imprints itself in our minds and in our dreams we are plagued to remake mistakes already made, and are powerless to fix them. A dream is an oxymoron. A forgotten memory. A moment in time that never exists, yet is so fathomable during that moment. Dreams can help build magnificent cities or make the dreamer self destruct and make the mind implode.

Beautiful Dreamer. I pine for a dream of beauty.

A dream can be Heaven or Hell.

A dream can be a beast if held on the inside. But it can be a blossoming masterpiece when realized on paper.

Dreams are lands in which you can live and die thousands of times, and love thousands more. A place where you are autopiloted and decide things contrary to how you actually would respond in reality. Your dream has no reason to fool you though. What does your mind achieve from tricking itself? Nothing near the effect it has of you tricking others. As unrealistic dreams may be, on the contrary, you may be as real as ever inside that dreamscape. Your shell is on the outside, in the real world. Such is the facade we put on for others.

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On A Tangent 3/2011

When faced with a golden opportunity how far will you go,

just to not fail? We live in a world that lacks courage. One where connivery and underhandedness run rampant, and is completely acceptable.

Don’t believe me? Just ask somebody an example of a successful person being assertive. Ask how they got there, did they do it on their own? And ask them when they DID get there did they help the ones that helped them?

I’m no math expert but lemmie give you a sample statistic.

8/10 people built success with the help of many others

out of those 8, 7 of them used malicious tactics to get there

out of those 7 maybe 1 kept they folks around and helped those who helped them.

Ask the people who helped Jay-Z get success how they really feel bout him..

This might be a cold statistic but I know its real cuz its happened in my life. Over the most menial shit.

When you help your supposed homie an they don’t rock back wit u? Shit aint supposed to play out that way.

Any time I have ever came up on anything we ALL reaped the benefits. If i could help you its not a ‘would I?’ Its a ‘how DID I’ help you. Don’t believe me? ask my brotha Jon, ask profit, price, Jewel, Aaron, Josh. And those are jus off the TOP of the noggin, but this wasn’t supposed to be about me. You can say a whole bunch of shit, but your track record shows how you really work. I feel like puttin a certain couple people on blast but I’m too old for them high school games, that gossip shit.

Gossip, gossip, gossip shit.

If they talk to you bout somebody negatively who they smile everyday and act happy with, you best fuckin believe they doin the same shit to you. I believed it, half heartedly, but aint no reason not to believe it 100% now. Choose your friends wisely. I think i’ve been too nice of a person. I’m not the one to get walked over, but I never expected for people to wanna cut throats.

Since I’ve been to sac i’ve met alot of people who I believed I should be friendly with. Man, gotta burn that bridge fast. My bruh told me once that some bridges gotta be burnt cuz the whole world is going to have access you if you dont. I completely understand. If you’re solid you aint gone see a change in me, coldest part is i can count the solidarity of people ive met in sac on one hand.

Finna cut ties and keep rockin my own way. Your life is like a garden, weed out the plants that look like flowers, cuz those weeds will choke the life out of everything and leave you dry.

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The World is Going to End 3/2011

People jump to conclusions.

A fair and simple statement. And a very factual one. One hypothetical situation would be an older gentleman dating a much younger woman. What is the first thought that MOST everybody thinks? She’s in it for the money. Now, we don’t know the facts and probably never will, but because we see this situation as strange and far from being normal we immediately assume she is in it for money. If you really think about it, we as people seem to have negativity ingrained in our brains because we seemingly always assume the worst. This is no different in looking at the disaster that struck Japan.

The highest recorded earthquake hit the island and now everybody was going into panic about the world coming to an end. But why now? The world ending soon, which for some ridiculous reason people think is going to happen 12/21/2012, is an easy explanation as to why it happened. People are saying ‘its not like its all coming to an end and going to happen that day, its got to build up to it!’. Man get outta here. I’ve lived for close to 23 years now and the one thing Ive noticed is that life is NOT an action movie. It’d be convenient for an earthquake to happen, that leads to a super tsunami, which leads to a nuclear explosion, which would lead to a car chase scene, and then to a bank robbery, then a comet hitting the earth out of nowhere, and finally CLIMAXING at 12/21/2012!! The end of the world is quite a climax!! Shit doesn’t work like that in our world, remember everybody? Life’s an unpredictable bitch. Since when could we figure out anything happening on a precise date?? We cant even figure out when exactly a baby will be born, let alone how long to keep a hotpocket in the microwave! (Microwave for 130-2 minutes, let stand for 3-4 minutes. Not precise.) When the man on the weather channel can tell me weather with 100% accuracy for a week, maybe then I will take certain other predictions seriously.

Nostradamus predicted alot of things correctly, so it seems. He ‘predicted’ some fire in London, he ‘predicted’ Hitler and World War 2, and he also ‘predicted’ the assassination of JFK. For those of you not familiar with Mr. Damus, check him out, we are in the computer age you can find him. The Lord blesses many people with gifts, and i believe that Nostradamus was blessed with an incredible amount of luck. He wasn’t ever spot on with his ‘predictions’ but he was always close. But honestly i can predict something RIGHT NOW that i GUARANTEE will happen!! Maybe not now, maybe not in ten years, maybe not in mine or your life time, but it’ll happen. Life has a funny way working things out because life itself is UNPREDICTABLE! People read into things, like these predictions waaaaay too deeply. Sometimes we dig so deep we make something out of completely nothing.

So, 2012 is our extinction date because a dead man predicted it? Bullshit. And for those of you thinking about the Mayans and their prediction of 2012, stop thinking. Their calendar ended on that day, but it doesn’t mean anything. Its just a coincidence, maybe even less than a coincidence. Our calendars end in December before we have to buy another one, does that mean our world is ending this year? Haha, a bullshit example, but you get it.The Mayans c.ouldn’t predict how they’d end though, huh? Crazy. Maybe their calendar was a couple hundred years off cuz I’m pretty sure they are wiped out now

Let me end with this. Humanity has made a big deal about the world ending many times during my 22 years of existence. Remember September 9th 1999? Oh, you don’t? The world was supposed to end because our SUPER HIGH TECH computers would go crazy and not understand the 9’s in their system and shut down and send off missiles and whatnot. Im sure i woke up September 10th amazed at how beautiful our Apocalyptic world looked. Who doesn’t remember the Jan 1st year 2000? Oh yeah, we were definitely supposed to all die that day. I bet there was a collective sigh of relief when we all watched 1201 squeak by on our watches one minute into our new year.

Why are we so eager to die? To figure out when we expire. Honestly i’d rather not know the day. When it happens it’ll happen. Just live life, because its way too complicated already with us NOT knowing when we are going to die. Think of how scary it is for a deathrow inmate. Knowing the day of your death, counting it down to the second. It’ll make you crazy. So stop counting down to 2012, because i already see the affects of the year fucking some of you guys over!

Check these verses out. For you people who are unreligous take it as you will

1 Thessalonians 5:2-4 (NIV) for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night 3 While people are saying, “Peace and safety,” destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape. 4 But you, brothers are not in darkness so that this day should surprise you like a thief.

Matthew 24:43-44 (NIV) “But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into.  So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him

Sometimes you just can’t put a date on things

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Just A Game 1/2011

They say it’s just a game.

Back before I could even remember, I always had my ball. Pictures don’t lie.

But they say it’s just a game.

I remember my parents telling me to just have fun, no matter whether you win or lose.

Because it was just a game.

I woke up before cartoons, before mom and dad, before the sun came up. I was too excited.

Although it was just a game.

I remember bawling my eyes out during our first loss. A couple of my teammates cried too, but for the most part, people weren’t devastated.

They figured, ‘hey, it’s just a game’.

My first victory was greater than any Christmas I had been through. My parents were astonished because,

It was just a game…

I would go 100% every single practice. Some liked my enthusiasm, while others felt like,

It’s just a game.

I dominated the ranks when I was young and was excited to play in high school. I got a call from coach

‘…you love it? Remember though, it’s just a game…’

I made the team, no problem, and now it was time to practice.

Practice, practice, practice

Through the summer heats. The night time mosquito attacks. Throwing up on the side. Being exhausted.

They kept telling me, its just a game.

As I got better I became more focused. I worked out harder, if I wasn’t with my best teammate I worked alone. I remember my mom calling me and saying you have to spend more time with everyone.

She said stop fooling yourself, it’s a child’s game.

My first injury scared my parents, my mother the most. I gimped around the house with a badly sprained ankle. They told me I needed to quit; my head was in the clouds.

Kid, it’s just a game.

While others ran around playing at night I trained. I wanted to have fun too, but I was consumed. At this point I realized.

It can’t JUST be a game.

Winning my senior homecoming in front of the crowd. Beat them in the final seconds. I will never forget that memory. Tears of joy, hoots and hollers, a deafening roar from the hometown crowd.

Did they realize then that it wasn’t just a game?

I bonded with my team. We laughed together, cried together, moved, won, and lost together. They were an extension of my family. In times of need they were there. They were my rock when all others wouldn’t care to hold me. I loved them.

They knew that it was more than just a game.

We lost in the playoffs. Not necessarily in stunning fashion. I remember watching the clock tick down slowly and I thought to myself, ‘Will I ever play again?’

The answer would come in the mail.

A small D-2 school wanted me and I took it off the bat.

‘This isn’t just a game. This is life.’ Coach said to us during one meeting.

Finally, I’ve made it! They get me.

I worked my ass off during the summer heat waves again. During the cold showers and frigid winds.

At this point there was no doubt. This wasn’t just a game. This is my life. This is as much part of me as my voice and as my skin.

I’ve lost millions of dreams, lost what seems like gallons of blood, lost friends, lovers and time.

I’ve reached the highest heights and gone rock bottom chasing my dream. I’ve learned more lessons than anyone could ever imagine from it. And I’ve made lifelong partners who I’d move mountains for. Broken bones, broken hearts and hurt feelings wouldn’t stop me. So why would I listen to you when you say,

It’s just a game.

Obviously it’s more than that.

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Random Thoughts 1/2011

Life is a game

I want to be the reigning champ.

Women play games.

I attempt to outthwart them.

Love is out there.

I only find lust.

I want to have faith.

But, in humanity, I cannot believe.

I want to be optimistic.

But I cannot leave myself open to naievity.

Im not fast, so my problems will eventually catch me if I run.

I am not a built like a mountain, so facing problems head on could end up crushing.

I want to take them down tactically.

But my mind is often deterred.

I want the best.

But I expect the worst.

While everyone else looks for a new height.

I search the plateau for something different.

I peer through fog.

Looking for my Rudolph.

I have a million excuses.

I don’t feel its necessary to use any anymore.

I love fun and will constantly bring it out of people.

What do you want to bring out of me.

I hold grudges.

But i’d love to let them go.

I think i like you.

I thought at the end of this, I might as well let you know

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Anger 11/2010

Contrary to popular belief

I ain’t stole nuthin. I am no theif.

I’ve rocked with the best of them, and fell like a star.

Hard times, nothings new

Lifes unchanged, nuthins bizarre.

Its obviously Ive been confused with a different man

Ive got a heart, but its rather unpure

Its scary realizing this epiphany for sure.

Give up your quest. You aint the one for me.

Did i say otherwise? Well thats an old trick, do u even know me?

I used to care bout my fellow man, but Ive lost hope.

This shit is a game now so ima be running the show.

Forgive and forget, what a creed to live by.

Well ive forgotten so forgive me when i look into your eyes.

I mighta pulled some strings and told a few lies.

I prolly gave you a line, an not even one of my best

Told you I cared when I gave a fuck less.

Pretended to show interest when i’d rather digress.

Said ‘hey, you’re beautiful. you in your sunday’s best?’

Prolly made you feel good. What was it babe, a ‘witty line’?

My intentions and agenda is hidden, though I wouldnt go so far to cal theml all lies.

Baby girl ur insecure, but you dont understand the world is at your feet.

Fuck what you thought was cute in Hollywood, cuz u look better to me.

You always say no, stop lying to me. So that burdens off my soul boo, that was strike three.

I dont care if you hate me, say man he’s a player. Didnt you play hard to get? So now whos playin, player?

Ive lost a few friendships. burned a few bridges. Shoulda ran off like a pussy insteada callin them on they bitchness.

God made one of me and a couple billion of you. Sayin we all the same, quite frankly, is unfair to you.

If we all the same you might as well stop lookin. Them false generalizations will never come true.

I can be the greatest friend or the ugliest enemy

it takes a lifetime to trust but only a second to become unfriendly.

Ima leave it wit a line from bruh FoxFive-‘you grown’er than me, Im 22, i need time to grow up. But if you tryna stunt my growth ima tear yo ass up’

Real shit. Its time for me to start bein real critical, cuz ive been nice too long. You remember me? Well its time to forget.

Jd.. a player?? hahahaha yea, maybe football. Thats challenging, cuz darlin, u way too easy for me to have fun playin. Up the difficulty, doll. haha Get me outcha head

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Break up thoughts 2009

As i sit here listening to ace hood’s song ‘champion’ on repeat im thinking. My eyes are a lil wet, my body aches, my stomach has that bad ass feeling in it, and i dunno.. im just not feeling good. I lost something i loved so much. and this thing i lost i never really believed i’d lose it forever. the bond i have with this person (because its shes not a thing) was strong, yet unstable. i could trust her enough,but not enough, ya kno? and it was the same for her too im pretty sure. Through everything we’ve been through, and dear Lord its been so much.. I never though she would do me like this. I dont know why women do this, cuz this isnt the first time a girl jus left me stranded like this. im hurt. like im really in pain.. u can always think about goin back in time and whatever and ‘doing the right thing’ but then u would never learn from your mistakes. ive pushed her away so much and i always expected her to come back, and for the most part she has. but this time was different. shes been actin so weird lately and it makes me suspicious. im almost positive shes not cheating on me, but somethin else is goin on.. i dunno what.. when i think about and look at all the calls ive left her recently and how she hasn’t answered or anything it hurts me. iveblown her phone up and i just want to hear her voice one more time. i just want to hear her say she loved me one more time.. in this song im listenin to he says ‘wakin up to nothin is enough to give u chills, wakin up to nuthin is enough to make u kill..’ man.. i feel it.. i didnt have everything when i was wit my girl but she did her best to provide for me. and i think thats where i failed her. i didnt provide enough for her. baby.. this makes me so sad.. im a broken and bruised man and i dunno, i think i deserve this for the most part.. i did her dirty.. and she hears me say sorry on all my messages but i wanna tell it to her face. this week has been one of the hardest in awhile. i was dealing with a football injury, dealing with yet another loss and knowing that the rest of our season is now bein played jus for pride. school sucks an the job hunt sucks more. i jus need somethin positive and now its gone. ive had people say that she wasnt good for me and shit. but i kno she got that about me too! lol im not the greatest in the world, but i honestly love her and want the best for her. but why? whys it always gotta be like this? we werent even supposed to be anything serious. NOT AT ALL! but i fell for her, and she fell for me. but is it so easy to fall out of love with someone? could i have pushed her away so far that she doesnt want to see me anymore? i dont think thats the case.. but shes damn good at showin makin me feel like im not worth her time. like im fuckin useless, haha and i jus went from bein sad to bein pissed. haha..
but i digress.
i already miss her so much..
i miss her smell and her eyes. i miss her kisses. i miss her needy ass attitude.. i miss everything about her. im not mad anymore. more sad. even more sad.. but the good thing about it is i got it out.
i love her so much, and i dont care if anyone knows, i never have.. taylor little, if u readin this, jus know i love u more than ive loved any other woman. u have made life real interesting, and ill for sure miss that. i dont want u to remember all the fights. i just want u to remember the good times. and baby we had quite alot..
ima look towards the future babe, an if u not goin wit me i can dig it. ill never forget u or the love i have/had. keep me in ur thoughts babe. ima pray for us and for u later and everyday afterwards.
i love u so much mama t. i loved bein happy wit u..

Broken

Whether we’re offically or unofficially done
My heart is now in pieces, shattered from one-
i remember the night i said ‘I love You’
Watchin Beverly Hills Ninja late, I spoke the Truth-
I’ve had so much fun with you, i wanted to tell the world
I wanted everyone to know that u were mine, u were my girl-
But then mistakes happened
Trust was an obsticle
You didn’t wrong me, and i never You
but this love turned into a debacle-
I’ll never give up on u, and I honestly believe we can work out
but it depends on you. No more fights, no screams or shouts-
Its disgusting, how far you’ve gone from me
i feel worthless, like a lone leaf on a tree-
i asked what it would take, u made it impossible
Now i feel broken. Living each day is now an obsticle-
Crazy huh? i’ve lost ten pounds since we’ve been fighting
My appetite is gone and I wake while the moon is still yawning-
Have u missed me at all? u never wanna see me
U ask for space, ya, i kno wat that means..
Have u found someone else yet? A better fit than me?
i think it’ll take a lifetime to replace u, more than that.. prolly 3-
Its the weirdest feeling, knowing the one you love is gone
Seeing you pull further and further away, we’re a string that was once a ball of yarn.
I know u dont wanna be done wit me, u say it and i believe its true-
U said we met at the wrong place, at the wrong time. ya, i think that too..
Love is supposed to come back around right? u’ll be mine one day?
Nah, the longer it is, the further we part ways.
I dont want to accept this, but it seems i have to.
Im not mad baby, just sad. i wish we for us to be one not two.
I’ll leave u alone tho.. Ya u got my word.
but jus know, when i hear u calling for me my heart will flutter like the wings of birds.
I love u tay. hopefully this isnt the last chapter
Without u durin the time we spent, my life woulda been a disaster.
Come back my lil angel.
Come back mama t
Come back sweetie.
Ill be here, just dont ever forget me

Love Josh Davis
JD TL